Tree of Life

My brave husband and I are embarking on a 21-day sugar fast. For a few years I’ve been mentored by Alisha Keeton at Revelation Wellness. Hers is a fanastic ministry that blends spiriutual growth and physical movement. The podcast is a perfect walking/running/hiking/meditating companion. Well this is our 7th day on our sugar fast and I’m quickly realizing I need to find some new reciepies. Simply eating meat and some veggies is getting a little boring. I’m not craving any carbs or sugar just yet but my hubby is very tired of this bland and monotonous diet I’ve spread for us. It does not have to be so boring. I guess I’ve simply not taken the time to look up and try the delicious recipies that are available online. My reason for the 21-day fast is to take the time to ask – what is good for my body right now? And this can lead to ask deeper questions like – Holy Spirit, what are you inviting me into this day or this moment?

So with this first week of being sugar free living under our belt, I’m not taking lightly the opportunities to be encouraged from several diverse venues. While creating this blog post I was listening to a Spotify playlist titled “Top 100 of the Most Beautiful Songs from Reddit”. Moonlight Sonata was played and I remember being a young teen playing the piece with ease. I also used to be able to do the splits and front flips with ease but at 47, not so much. I spent about 30 minutes practicing the first sheet of music and after writing down some of the notes as guides on the musical staff I was able to stumble through it. But it brought me so much joy. I think I might try to add “Comptine d’un autre été: l’après-midi” which looks more like playing the harp on the piano.

As expected, this week has been filed with ups and downs. I’ve slumped into sadness, feeling as though I’m not enough and failing, to reaching for love and forgiveness and bouncing back with even more freedom. I’m not sure if that is typical for a cleansing fast but I’ve been asking for the breaking of strongholds and chains – couldn’t expect that to come easy breezy.

Last night we watched “Tree of Life” and the experience exemplifies the week of high and lows. I loved it and heard wonderful reviews for it. That said, this movie was not a cup of tea for my family (which made me feel a little disappointed that they did not love it like I did), but I was swept away by the aesthetically gripping story of a family being mangled by fear, anger, and emptiness. It spoke so deeply to me that I had a visceral reaction to the movie and experiencing a severe headache and nausea. I took a remedy of Nux Vomica and two advil (which I try not to ever use but I was hurting so badly I didnt’ want to take the time to find the right homeopathic). The father figure was so consumed by the desire to “be something” or “prove his worth” that his family, particularly his oldest son took the brunt of his fear of insignificance acted out in aggression.

Eventually the story of redemption pours out of the screen. There was amazing visualization of the vastness of the planetary universe contrasted with the enormity of the microscopic universe, which we are sandwiched in between. Throughout the movie, characters wrestle with God, asking Him “Are you there?” “Why did you allow this to happen?” “Do you see me?” “Do you care?” The family individually and collectively pursue a connection with God and seek to understand His interaction with those which they love and hold onto dreams they hold dear. I was so moved by the deep fear and passion depicted on the screen. I truly was reliving parts of my childhood and unfortunately seeing myself personified in the role of controlling father, voiceless mother, hungry-for-love son. Actually, they were all hungry for love and seeking fulfilment in their masked identify. Mercifully, my heart was put at rest and ease at the end when redemption was so clearly projected – redemption for the family, its members, and other travelers on this life-supporting speck of dirt as we spiral hurdling through space. I loved “Tree of Life.” I also have a fascination with all Biblical reverences to trees in general and any symbolism I come across is exhilarating.

Joy Clarkson who hosts the podcast “Speaking with Joy“, recommended this movie. Her resources are always so fresh and rejuvenating. I am living vicariously through this young lady’s PhD educational adventures at St. Andrews in Scotland. We will be visiting England/Scotland in April so I’m even more swept away when Joy drops a secret podcast on her Patreon that deals with living on that history-filled island. We are supporters of her Patreon because we love to see young people pursuing their purpose.

Next week I’d like to continue my conversation while sharing some resources on taking good care of our world. And because I cannot wait to share, have you seen “The Biggest Little Farm”? It is amazing and I think you will love it and be encouraged to see redemption of our dirt.

The lake where I walk our Corgi each day – rain or shine, snow or sleet.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Shepherds and their Sheep

August 29, 2019

As a young girl I heard many sermons on being used as a tool of God, which sounds good on the surface. Many words were spoken to get the flock serving others around us by being this holy tool. There was little talk about God’s grace, but a lot of words brimming with wrath. So not surprisingly, I saw adults acting as a hammer, sometimes an ax, coarse sandpaper. Shepherds were being trained to use the rod and staff to beat their sheep and shame them into submission.

As a young married couple we moved out of state and to a different community of believers. The first sermons were on the topic of grace. I spent a morning crying in the church bathroom, not sure why I was so touched by the sermon but repeating to myself, “I never knew….I never knew.” Fifteen years in church, five years of AWANA, eight years of private Christian school, and I never knew of God’s grace. I thought it was up to me to be that “perfect little tool” to slap people over the head with scripture and set an example of the “perfect little Christian life”. Hiding behind that mask was a lifeless, sin-filled, totally lost sheep who had wandered away from the flock.

Fast forward to today. I’m a mom of two teens and a grade schooler. We home educate and many times I default into trying to be a tool in my children’s lives. My focus can be on outcomes, behaviors, externals. But again, and again I am reminded through scripture reading, times of worship and retreat, walks, gazing at the wonder of nature, that God is our Good Shephard who does not beat his sheep. He uses his rod and staff to gently guide us, protect us, and keep the enemy out of our green pastures. He does not USE his sheep nor does He desire for us to use others.

1 The Lord is my shepherd , I shall not want . 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures ; He leads me beside quiet waters . 3 He restores my soul ; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake . 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I fear no evil , for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff , they comfort me 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies ; You have anointed my head with oil ; My cup overflows . 6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life , And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

When we view our Father as one who wants to USE, we can infer that we are less than human – a thing to obtain an end. Then we start to treat others non-humanly. We look around and see who we can use instead of connecting with hearts, souls, minds. We manipulate. We put up an image of perfect families, systems, programs as an idol in our hearts. And then we become disillusioned when our “perfect little families” idol blows up in our face. People to leave the faith because of this disillusionment. We feel we gave God A, B, C and He owes us X, Y, Z. This is what happens when we build on our terms. But God’s purpose for creating us was relationship. Relationship means communion. Communion means oneness. I am not at oneness when I’m trying to make someone bend to my ideals.

“Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than they love the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest and sacrificial. God hates this wishful dreaming because it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. Those who dream of this idolized community demand that it be fulfilled by God, by others and by themselves. They enter the community of Christians with their demands set up by their own law, and judge one another and God accordingly. It is not we who build. Christ builds the church. Whoever is mindful to build the church is surely well on the way to destroying it, for he will build a temple to idols without wishing or knowing it. We must confess he builds. We must proclaim, he builds. We must pray to him, and he will build. We do not know his plan. We cannot see whether he is building or pulling down. It may be that the times which by human standards are the times of collapse are for him the great times of construction. It may be that the times which from a human point are great times for the church are times when it’s pulled down. It is a great comfort which Jesus gives to his church. You confess, preach, bear witness to me, and I alone will build where it pleases me. Do not meddle in what is not your providence. Do what is given to you, and do it well, and you will have done enough…. Live together in the forgiveness of your sins. Forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

As we start up another year of home education I can see the results of my former scaffolding falling away, which is so good. I don’t want to live as a tool, trying to shape and mold people into my image. Our family can live in the freedom of following our Shephard. He alone guides our hearts. Many times I believe I’m the reminder of how broken we humans are and how amazing and loving Father is with us. And we pray.

Two resources that have been so helpful in understanding our Father as Shephard are:

“Enjoy the Shephard – Ray Carman” on Facebook

“Scouting the Divine” by Margaret Feinberg. She is also on Facebook. Here is a video from her summer Bible Study:https://www.facebook.com/margaretfeinberg/videos/1748219118565542/