Accountability Week 2, Day 4

(Colossians 3:12 – 13) Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 4:16 – 17) After you read this letter, pass it onto the church at Laodicea so they can read it, too. And say to Archippus, “Be sure to carry out the ministry the Lord gave you”.

Being reminded again and again to be tender and forgive. We are reminded who God is, that Christ is in us, and that we have this common language of healing woven throughout our whole history as people on this planet. We all have our unique calling and ministry to carry out. Read the letters, share the messages, set our sights on the realities of heaven where Christ sits at God’s right hand.

As a parent, I can get bombarded with varying and conflicting suggestions on the optimum way to rear children – free range, classical, Charlotte Mason, private, public, co-ops. Each of these styles seem to focus either exclusively on the child or the teacher/author. But ultimately it comes down to each child realizing they are here for a purpose. God has fashioned them with unique gifts and bends. Let us find our reason and purpose in Him and loving others. Let the word of the Lord ring out from us to people everywhere. We are looking forward to the coming of God’s Son from heaven – Jesus, whom God raised from the dead. We can pray for this, press into this, trust God for this for ourselves, our children, and our world.

This desire has urged me onto the step up to the 31-day challenge. I was up at 6:40 which is a bit later than I had planned, which in the past would have derailed me, but I got up and started in on the rhythms of the day. Got dressed. Lit some candles. Prayed and journaled for the first early hour of the day. Tried not to get lost in the vortex of the internet. No perfection needed, just stepping in with tenderness. Focusing on these three areas are hopefully helping me to align my values with my actions:

1. Becoming emotionally healthy, holding love and tenderness in balance with boundaries. This ties in closely with my second challenge of reading two books. “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and “Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber are turning my world upside down. I really had no idea that I was living life so backward for so many years. Being honest with myself and being myself was suppressed because of fear. “But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Eph. 5:13 – 14) I can really say that I’ve suppressed living because of fear of failure or rejection that I’ve felt dead. It’s time to wake up and come alive.
2. Reading two books a month and not grazing over 2 and never finishing a book. I’m still reading through those books but also slid in “Persuasion” as well to add fiction and delight.
3. Staying on target with spending plans in time and money. Well, so far so good. I cannot believe it is January 23 and I’m still using the budget and still on target. So many years have passed where I just dropped off doing this about week two because I felt that if I didn’t do it exactly right then I’d failed and so I would quit. Holding onto perfection, hiding away when all things seem to fall apart, expecting too much of myself or others – these are habits that need to go. Starting up new healthy habits is startling. Which reminds me, I need to add “drink 75 oz water a day.”

Wow, this was longer than I expected to go today. It’s already 8:00 a.m. so time to get going on the day. How is your 31-day challenge going? It’s never to late to join in.

Accountability Week 2, Day 3

So this morning when I finally rolled out of bed at 7:00 – an hour later than I planned but it was a late night. Sitting down at my table with the candles flickering, I felt compelled to read from Isaiah again. Flipped open to Isaiah 40:28 – 31. “God never grows weak or weary, He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless, trusting in Him will give new strength.” Jesus spoke words very similar to Isaiah in Matthew 11:28 – 30. “Come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I AM humble and gentle at heart.”

Since today is January 22, I read from Psalm 22. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” This cry for help culminates in David declaring that “even future generations will head about the wonder of the Lord and His rightenous acts will be told to those not yet born.” Psalm 23 follows and reassures the psalmist of the previous chapter that “The Lord is our sphepherd and we have all that we need.” Jesus spoke the first lines of those psalms at his death. All those in the area who heard him would have known those two son

I love seeing that golden thread woven through thousands of years showing that suffering can lead us to trust in God. These words were spoken by Isaiah, David, Jesus and now flowing through me, then through my children, and someday through their children. These words of praise and trust are an inheritance, a treasure. This rich history reminds us to Trust in The One who made this universe or time and space. Relax into “Tenderness”.

Working on the 31-day challenge and here is the progress:

1. Becoming emotionally healthy, holding love and tenderness in balance with boundaries. Meeting with Dr. Brock this Friday. On a day-to-day basis, I’m recognizing my anger and the need to let some things go. Trying to live a life of “nice little box with a pretty little bow on top” isn’t serving me well. It’s actually an idol. Instead of worshiping Jesus I can end up worshiping peace and calm and flip out when life is not feeling tidied up.

2. Reading two books a month and not grazing over 20 and never finishing a book. This month the books are “Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber and “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud. These are amazing books. There are also YouTube videos with Dr. Cloud speaking about boundaries. Got a little side tracked – I also picked up reading “Persuasion” by Jane Austin but I also wanted to add some fiction into my life. Reading only non-fiction can make me way too cerebral and not connect to imagination and whimsey.

3. Staying on target with spending plans in time and money. Surprisingly, this area of my life is actually the easiest part of the challenge this month. Maybe because it’s something quite tangible that can give me a sense of control. When I’m stressed or sad I retreat to cleaning and organizing. So keeping a budget and working plans feels comforting to me right now.

Well it’s about time to start breakfast and get this day going. I hope your intentions are helping to lighten your load from heavy distractions and misplaced focus. It’s already the 22nd and it feels good to see progress in 2020!

Accountability in 2020

A wise woman builds her home,

but a foolish woman tears it down with

her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

Since the beginning of the year I’ve felt nudges to start an accountability journal – a daily journal that I will post to remind myself of The Plan and the documentation of The Action. I’ve been struggling year after year with great intnetions at the beginning of the year followed by the emotional currents of: “I don’t feel like it, I’m too tired, it doesn’t really matter”. Specifically I’m working on:

1. Becoming emotionally healthy, holding love and tenderness in balance with boundaries.

2. Reading two books a month and not grazing over 20 and never finishing a book. This month the books are “Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber and “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud.

3. Staying on target with spending plans in time and money. We have had a budget for years and I imagine staying in those borders. I also have a lovely schedule of rhythms for the day but have not set down a specific time to start all those lovely rhythms. And I cannot forget to mention how I get side tracked by beautiful distractions and savoring quiet mornings alone.

So I could get all tied up trying to find the perfect format, perfect place, perfect time but that never seemed to work. So I’ll just show up as I am, here, quietly typing away but feeling a sense of “I can do this and you can too!”

In addition, I’d like to give a shout out to two women – both named Cindy – who have taken the time to mentor women across the world. So these two ladies have been obedient to pray, listen to God and trust Him with their ministries. I’m inspired by their faithfulness and joy in the Lord.

Cindy Rushton is championing a Jumpstart 2020 challenge to get women engaged with their missions in life. It’s time to step out, stretch, challenge ourselves to be fully expectant that God will dream impossible dreams for us and lead us into those paths.

Cindy Rollins is mentoring a group of women through her Patreon site and encourages us with her Saturdays with Cindy sessions as well as educational practices based on the Charlotte Mason approach. We are reading through beautiful poetry and books that help to educate the mom’s heart and mind. Cindy Rollins is also leading a group of ladies to an educational retreat in Ambleside, England in April, which miraculously and through the grace of God I will be able to attend. (God answers prayers – especially the ones He places in our hearts before we even made any plans.) My family will also be joining me and we will turn it into a European vacation. Thank you Father!

Now that I’ve procrastinated long enough, this is the part where I start to squirm – stating what I have done in alignment with the plan. (See how I love to plan but the putting into action has become sticky?)

Wake up and pray/journal: 6 a.m. (I woke up at 7 a.m.)

Start breakfast and start morning time with kids: 8:30 a.m. (It’s already 9!)

Keep a daily log of all expenditures: I’ve done this each day this month and only need to add up the columns. I tried doing this online with excel but going to paper is much eaier for me and I don’t liek the idea of putting my financialy into on a budgeting service site.

Menu plan for the week: I still need to do this and will this evening with my husband and kids.

Becoming emotionally healthy: Well this is a lifelong process but I will be calling to set up an appointment with my counselor, Dr. Brock, and will continue to read the two books on my focused list.

Whew! Well that wasn’t too painful. I think I can do this! And you can too. I wonder what you’d like to plan and take action on this month?

Here is my Vision Board for 2020. My work for the year is Tenderness.

Tree of Life

My brave husband and I are embarking on a 21-day sugar fast. For a few years I’ve been mentored by Alisha Keeton at Revelation Wellness. Hers is a fanastic ministry that blends spiriutual growth and physical movement. The podcast is a perfect walking/running/hiking/meditating companion. Well this is our 7th day on our sugar fast and I’m quickly realizing I need to find some new reciepies. Simply eating meat and some veggies is getting a little boring. I’m not craving any carbs or sugar just yet but my hubby is very tired of this bland and monotonous diet I’ve spread for us. It does not have to be so boring. I guess I’ve simply not taken the time to look up and try the delicious recipies that are available online. My reason for the 21-day fast is to take the time to ask – what is good for my body right now? And this can lead to ask deeper questions like – Holy Spirit, what are you inviting me into this day or this moment?

So with this first week of being sugar free living under our belt, I’m not taking lightly the opportunities to be encouraged from several diverse venues. While creating this blog post I was listening to a Spotify playlist titled “Top 100 of the Most Beautiful Songs from Reddit”. Moonlight Sonata was played and I remember being a young teen playing the piece with ease. I also used to be able to do the splits and front flips with ease but at 47, not so much. I spent about 30 minutes practicing the first sheet of music and after writing down some of the notes as guides on the musical staff I was able to stumble through it. But it brought me so much joy. I think I might try to add “Comptine d’un autre été: l’après-midi” which looks more like playing the harp on the piano.

As expected, this week has been filed with ups and downs. I’ve slumped into sadness, feeling as though I’m not enough and failing, to reaching for love and forgiveness and bouncing back with even more freedom. I’m not sure if that is typical for a cleansing fast but I’ve been asking for the breaking of strongholds and chains – couldn’t expect that to come easy breezy.

Last night we watched “Tree of Life” and the experience exemplifies the week of high and lows. I loved it and heard wonderful reviews for it. That said, this movie was not a cup of tea for my family (which made me feel a little disappointed that they did not love it like I did), but I was swept away by the aesthetically gripping story of a family being mangled by fear, anger, and emptiness. It spoke so deeply to me that I had a visceral reaction to the movie and experiencing a severe headache and nausea. I took a remedy of Nux Vomica and two advil (which I try not to ever use but I was hurting so badly I didnt’ want to take the time to find the right homeopathic). The father figure was so consumed by the desire to “be something” or “prove his worth” that his family, particularly his oldest son took the brunt of his fear of insignificance acted out in aggression.

Eventually the story of redemption pours out of the screen. There was amazing visualization of the vastness of the planetary universe contrasted with the enormity of the microscopic universe, which we are sandwiched in between. Throughout the movie, characters wrestle with God, asking Him “Are you there?” “Why did you allow this to happen?” “Do you see me?” “Do you care?” The family individually and collectively pursue a connection with God and seek to understand His interaction with those which they love and hold onto dreams they hold dear. I was so moved by the deep fear and passion depicted on the screen. I truly was reliving parts of my childhood and unfortunately seeing myself personified in the role of controlling father, voiceless mother, hungry-for-love son. Actually, they were all hungry for love and seeking fulfilment in their masked identify. Mercifully, my heart was put at rest and ease at the end when redemption was so clearly projected – redemption for the family, its members, and other travelers on this life-supporting speck of dirt as we spiral hurdling through space. I loved “Tree of Life.” I also have a fascination with all Biblical reverences to trees in general and any symbolism I come across is exhilarating.

Joy Clarkson who hosts the podcast “Speaking with Joy“, recommended this movie. Her resources are always so fresh and rejuvenating. I am living vicariously through this young lady’s PhD educational adventures at St. Andrews in Scotland. We will be visiting England/Scotland in April so I’m even more swept away when Joy drops a secret podcast on her Patreon that deals with living on that history-filled island. We are supporters of her Patreon because we love to see young people pursuing their purpose.

Next week I’d like to continue my conversation while sharing some resources on taking good care of our world. And because I cannot wait to share, have you seen “The Biggest Little Farm”? It is amazing and I think you will love it and be encouraged to see redemption of our dirt.

The lake where I walk our Corgi each day – rain or shine, snow or sleet.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Shepherds and their Sheep

August 29, 2019

As a young girl I heard many sermons on being used as a tool of God, which sounds good on the surface. Many words were spoken to get the flock serving others around us by being this holy tool. There was little talk about God’s grace, but a lot of words brimming with wrath. So not surprisingly, I saw adults acting as a hammer, sometimes an ax, coarse sandpaper. Shepherds were being trained to use the rod and staff to beat their sheep and shame them into submission.

As a young married couple we moved out of state and to a different community of believers. The first sermons were on the topic of grace. I spent a morning crying in the church bathroom, not sure why I was so touched by the sermon but repeating to myself, “I never knew….I never knew.” Fifteen years in church, five years of AWANA, eight years of private Christian school, and I never knew of God’s grace. I thought it was up to me to be that “perfect little tool” to slap people over the head with scripture and set an example of the “perfect little Christian life”. Hiding behind that mask was a lifeless, sin-filled, totally lost sheep who had wandered away from the flock.

Fast forward to today. I’m a mom of two teens and a grade schooler. We home educate and many times I default into trying to be a tool in my children’s lives. My focus can be on outcomes, behaviors, externals. But again, and again I am reminded through scripture reading, times of worship and retreat, walks, gazing at the wonder of nature, that God is our Good Shephard who does not beat his sheep. He uses his rod and staff to gently guide us, protect us, and keep the enemy out of our green pastures. He does not USE his sheep nor does He desire for us to use others.

1 The Lord is my shepherd , I shall not want . 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures ; He leads me beside quiet waters . 3 He restores my soul ; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake . 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I fear no evil , for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff , they comfort me 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies ; You have anointed my head with oil ; My cup overflows . 6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life , And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

When we view our Father as one who wants to USE, we can infer that we are less than human – a thing to obtain an end. Then we start to treat others non-humanly. We look around and see who we can use instead of connecting with hearts, souls, minds. We manipulate. We put up an image of perfect families, systems, programs as an idol in our hearts. And then we become disillusioned when our “perfect little families” idol blows up in our face. People to leave the faith because of this disillusionment. We feel we gave God A, B, C and He owes us X, Y, Z. This is what happens when we build on our terms. But God’s purpose for creating us was relationship. Relationship means communion. Communion means oneness. I am not at oneness when I’m trying to make someone bend to my ideals.

“Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than they love the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest and sacrificial. God hates this wishful dreaming because it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. Those who dream of this idolized community demand that it be fulfilled by God, by others and by themselves. They enter the community of Christians with their demands set up by their own law, and judge one another and God accordingly. It is not we who build. Christ builds the church. Whoever is mindful to build the church is surely well on the way to destroying it, for he will build a temple to idols without wishing or knowing it. We must confess he builds. We must proclaim, he builds. We must pray to him, and he will build. We do not know his plan. We cannot see whether he is building or pulling down. It may be that the times which by human standards are the times of collapse are for him the great times of construction. It may be that the times which from a human point are great times for the church are times when it’s pulled down. It is a great comfort which Jesus gives to his church. You confess, preach, bear witness to me, and I alone will build where it pleases me. Do not meddle in what is not your providence. Do what is given to you, and do it well, and you will have done enough…. Live together in the forgiveness of your sins. Forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

As we start up another year of home education I can see the results of my former scaffolding falling away, which is so good. I don’t want to live as a tool, trying to shape and mold people into my image. Our family can live in the freedom of following our Shephard. He alone guides our hearts. Many times I believe I’m the reminder of how broken we humans are and how amazing and loving Father is with us. And we pray.

Two resources that have been so helpful in understanding our Father as Shephard are:

“Enjoy the Shephard – Ray Carman” on Facebook

“Scouting the Divine” by Margaret Feinberg. She is also on Facebook. Here is a video from her summer Bible Study:https://www.facebook.com/margaretfeinberg/videos/1748219118565542/

Power in Prayer

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Prayer

Ephesians 1:15 – 20 Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.

Parenting is humbling. I had great dreams and aspirations when we used the previous verse to dedicate our children to God. At the time it seemed that this would be a challenging road but we would work hard and do our best to lead our children to the Lord. After many years, I’ve sometimes considered myself disqualified from leading anyone to our Savior. At times I’ve joked that my shortcomings are invitations for my children to experience parental imperfection which will drive them to our Father and therapy. But instead of being fatalistic in these relationships, I am reminded of the power of Prayer.

So this is my first month of intentionally praying God’s Word over my family. Instead of harbouring hurt feelings, fear, apprehension, frantic worries over the future and my need to take control because our lives do not look like the pretty picture I imagined in the above verses, I’m pouring all that energy into Prayer. Would you join me in prayer for your children as well? And as we enter into these prayers we pray for ourselves. Our hearts need constant cultivating to stay on The Way. And He generously answers our prayers.

I pray that my children will receive and Love Jesus, commit their lives to our Father and be filled with the Holy Spirit, and enjoy a cherished relationshiop with Him.

Salvation

John 3:16 – 17 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

(I pray that my children will understand how you love them and you offer them eternal life through your Son.)

Be filled by the Spirit and Obey

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Ephesians 1:23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.

Ephesians 4:11 – 13 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.

(I pray that my children will be filled with the Holy Spirit and use their gifting to serve Your Kingdom.)

To Know Who they are In Christ

Philippians 3:9 – 10 I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead.

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.

Ephesians 1:4 – 8 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Colossians 1:27 For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.

(Show us your heart and your intentions for us and how you are in us. Help us to trust you Lord.)

2019 Planning: Where Structure Meets Spontaneity

I’ve been reviewing 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, etc., and notice a significantly concerning trend. As mentioned many times in prior posts, my twitch is to look for solutions, purchase books and curriculum, and buy into other people’s view of what homeschooling ideal is the “best”. After many years it appears I’ve taken by eyes off my children and focused them on following Facebook and Instagram feeds. So late last year I completely deleted Instagram and Facebook. What a relief! I feel I can breath again and my children have my attention.

Now that the firestorm of voices trying to sell me an idea or ideal is turned off I have time to calmly walk through our house and see the huge piles of books and papers I’ve accumulated. Extravagant hours and money have been spent to try to become all the things the voices said I and my children should be.  It appears I was trying to use osmosis to learn because we have not actually read most of the books. Instead of taking these years to walk our own unique journey I stopped at a fork at the road and dug a deep trench filled with a varied and deep library that is not relevant to our family. My children stay very busy and curious studying a few select things which gives them time and energy to be curious and discover their own talents.

So as a journaling lover, I’ve decided to put a few rails in the road to help me to stay focused on God and my children instead of the materials. One way I plan to train myself to not twitch into purchases is to go through a real planning and implementation exercise. With the Christmas break I have time to reflect and create. Super fun! So I thought I’d share some images of my journals. This system is birthed out the desire to have some stretching and strengthening in crafting my personal intentions (I like that word so much better than “goals”) while also being able to use my personality and creativity to track and implement my intentions.  

Cultivate What Matters Powersheets. I have ordered my 2019 set.

Wild Simplicity Daybook. I use this as a prayer, passion, and vision board journal. 

Traveler’s Journal. I use this leather-bound book which house three budget booklets.

Cultivate What Matters includes a monthly Tending List to guide my days and calendar. This was my 2018 January list.

This inside glimpse shows you the gem Lesley Austin handcrafted which she lovingly calls her Wild Simplicity Daybook. I use this handcrafted earth-thoughtful beauty to house two vessels. The first booklet is a Diary which I use as a vision board and a place to capture the highlights of my learning for the month. The second booklet I use to keep track of my days. I purchase these items from Lesley Austin on Etsy under SmallMeadow. Her shop is napping right now for Christmas but she will be placing more of her offerings after the new year. I am also a member on her online haven Wisteria & Sunshine. You can sign up to join this sanctuary at anytime.

In the Diary there are several interesting sections that invite planning and intention setting. I like to take the blank pages provided and add clippings from magazines to add some focus and interest. It is always interesting to me to see what pictures land in the book and the words that land on those pages. I also have other lovely journals where I write prayers and verses as led. My children know that a gift of a journal will always be perfect.

This Book of Days, also from Lesley’s shop, will be the vessel to hold my daily and weekly schedule. My priority list and special notes have a home to the right and bottom of the weekly calendar spread. Isn’t it so pretty and simple?

My traveler’s notebook has a small booklet where I can plan the week’s meals and create a sticky note shopping list. I don’t assign a meal to a particular day but make a list I can choose depending on our mood or fancy.

A cute folder in the Traveler’s notebook gives me a place to put my receipts for the month. And this Susan Branch calendar serves as a vision board of the artistry I’d like to continue to create and will be used to track weekly food and miscellaneous expenditures. I suppose writing in a pretty calendar will help motivate me to stay focused on my weekly budget allowances. I’m hopeful that if I focus on the purpose God has for our family and not spend all my time and money resources on finding the “perfect” ideal that I will be doing my family and big favor. 

This simple and creatively inspiring journaling process will be helpful in keeping my intentions. Deeply rooted into the Cultivate What Matters yearly journal and the open-ended Daybooks are the expectations that flexibility and changes will need to be occur. I can make changes along the way but all the while checking in with my heart and seeing where the Lord is leading us.

Have a very Merry Christmas.

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him. (AMEN!)

Philippians 2:13

Coming Home

We traveled over 3,000 miles to find a dream come true. Family reconnected. Memories were made. Hearts were reconciled. Visions fulfilled. I had no idea what this trip would mean to us.

I remember the moment when we made the decision to book the travel arrangements. It was a nudge that seemed to come from out of ourselves. We were immediately girded with strength in the matter. It was about the same feeling we had when we decided to finally remodel our kitchen, return a car we had just purchased a couple of hours before, support a widow, and granting ourselves permission to ask for professional help when caring for aging parents.

These things all were an invitation to step into trust. We heard the call and felt sure that it would all work out as it was supposed to without having the details laid out. But I like knowing details – like the details you are given when going through high school and college. There is a course and schedule. But as we engage past guarantees we experience intuition and the call to step into the promise. We actually are given a guarantee. We are given a Promise. The details may be unclear but ultimately we know He Redeems.

Wendell Berry wrote some comforting words in the offering of Jayber Crow:

“I can remember those early years when it seemed to me I was cut completely adrift, and times when looking back at earlier times, it seemed I had been wandering in the dark woods of error. But now it looks to me as though I was following a path that was laid out for me, unbroken, and maybe even as straight as possible, from one end to the other, and I have this feeling, which never leaves me anymore, that I have been led.”

Dairy cows

Cooking with Papa

The BEST golfing

Daytona Beach

Making friends

Front porch of Aunt Kathy’s and Uncle Danny’s 95-year-old family home

Psalm 107:1-2  Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.

Long Time No See

It’s been more than a year since I’ve spent time to write out my thoughts about homeschooling. At this rate I’m averaging about two posts a year.

But believe me there have been many hours spent listening, talking, mulling, daydreaming, reading, searching, trying, failing, succeeding, and sweating over this thing we are working through in our home. This record of my meandering and digging in various potholes is enlightening. It reveals an intense desire to do this thing right. And really the core issue is searching for the best method to ensure peaceful days. When I imagined marriage I imagined perfection since we were both going to be nice and peaceful people. I imagined perfect parenting and perfect children because we were going to be kind and endearing. I imagined there was a particular path we could walk to guarantee successful relationships, education, and a lucrative lifestyle.

So I tried listening to many voices that seemed to call to me with a guaranteed approach to living perfectly. Sure they did not actually guarantee perfection but it all did sound heavenly. We tried our hand at a co-op which was beneficial in many ways but really left myself and my creative middle daughter in tears. I even scolded my youngest out of anger – in front of everyone – gasp! So humbling and horrifying.  I took the wheel many times in my oldest son’s lessons to ensure success. Wow this is all so hard to write.

This year it was decided to be independent and study topics of individual interest while also using a reading/history curriculum that helped me to feel as though we would be exposing ourselves to general topics we might not simply stumble upon on our own. The summer season of planning was rather frenetic. I attended a homeschool convention which was hosted by two vastly different schools of thought. A classical homeschool founder presented her ideas to a thirsty crowd of parents while Todd Wilson known as The Smiling Homeschooler has his own homeschool ministry also offered his insight. What I noticed about the two experiences was one presenter seemed quite stoic and might I add stressed, while the other looked genuinely happy. At this point I knew I needed genuinely peaceful and happy. But there I go again looking to people to point out the right path for my family and judging hearts that I don’t even know.

So I’ve come full circle again to my initial mantras of loving my kids where they are, not putting pressure in academics but building relationships, and looking for opportunities to smile. My children are growing up quickly. It feels there are not many more days left to make memories while we are a full house. 

GRATITUDE

I’m so pleased that we purchased that old RV and drove all over the state for our son’s golf tournaments, we finally camped in Homer, we booked that introductory flight for our son to actually fly a small plane, we helped our middle daughter realize her dream of getting her parrolet from a breeder in Florida, we enrolled our youngest back into gymnastics but at the recreation level, we dropped the honors level of Biology class for our son and are doing the basic level with me studying alongside him so he can learn good notetaking and study skills, and we accommodated our middle daughter’s desire to change math curriculum and encourage her to be a mermaid.

There is no magic formula. There is no perfect curriculum. There is no guaranteed system. There is the masterpiece of my child.

Psalm 138:8 The LORD will work out His plans for my life – for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.

 

 

 

EMBRACE

Embrace is a word that warms my heart. It’s a word that stirs me to practice compassion this coming year. Compassion is a “compass” to direct my “passion”. EMBRACE now. EMBRACE here. EMBRACE my family. EMBRACE me.

The year 2017 was one of great improvements because we actually accomplished some big goals  – a new kitchen, bit the bullet and did the bunion surgery (so glad!), purchased a used motorhome for in-state adventures, golfing expeditions, and a Drive/Chip/Putt competition for our son in Seattle. But with all the accomplishment, I sure spent a lot of time checking out of my real life by scrolling, searching, comparing, chasing, and just plain avoiding.

So this year, with the help of Lara Casey 2018 Goal Setting Series and her PowerSheets and Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family conversations about focusing on what really matters, I’ve decided to pull the plug on distraction so I can fully embrace my life.

Bye bye Facebook. Ta ta Instagram. Adios apps on my cellphone.

Aaaahhh…what a relief!

So will this blog also replace my endless searching and restlessness? I don’t think so. This blog will be a place where I can talk through my connections and choices.  I think it will also be a great addition to the journals I’ve set aside to help gird my intentions for the year. My list of journals include:

1. Meditation (to capture what my heart tells me when I practice sitting in silence).
2. Mom’s Education (my commonplace on books I’m reading and connections to my children’s education).
3. Panda Planner
4. Weekly menu (using a travel journal to hold coupons, weekly menus, and shopping lists).
5. Wild Simplicity Daybook to track my children’s homeschool daily activities.

So for now, I’m going to click publish, send this intention out into the universe, smile, and be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to the real me.

And may you also enjoy uncovering the real you in 2018!